Here we go:

1. These days, everything causes the cancer. Staring at Tom Selleck for too long can cause the cancer.  But fear not caffeinators, our lab-coated brethren have found that caffeinated-beverage drinkers are at a lesser risk of catching the cancer known as Glioma (it’s the kind that doodoos on your brain) than non-caffeine drinkers (aka boring people.) In the study conducted by some guy named Giovannucci and his friends, consumption of five or more cups of coffee or tea daily was associated with a decrease risk of Glioma. So, it’s kind of like a cure, right?

2. Having the choice of drinking coffee or energy drinks for your caffeine intake is like having a liquid mullet hairstyle. You can party like a rock star with a Rockstar or take it black for the grown-man/woman act.

3. When your heart starts jumping like a jitterbugging swinger after sipping on your morning sizzurp, that’s only because you’re realizing how much of a fool you are for paying $5 for a cup of joe at StarFu&ks. You’re not having heart murmurs… OR maybe you are, I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. But research does show that individuals drinking four or more cups of coffee a day have 18% less risk of hospitalization due to heart rhythm disturbances. [disclaimer: while it is unlikely that moderate caffeine intake increases arrhythmia risks, people around you don't really appreciate the reek of your 5 cups of coffee breath. I'm just sayin']

4. Guys, listen up! High caffeine consumption through coffee and/or tea does not affect sperm count. High soda/cola consumption, on the other hand, does. Read it here if you feel like throwing your Dr. Pepper at the monitor.

5. Soon we can all whiff it and whiff it good my friends! No more annoying barristas with their cool sleeve tattoos and emo hair to contend with in order to pass through the gates of caffeine heaven. Thanks to Harvard professor David Edwards, we can now add to our fake cigarette collection a non-spilling, pocket-warmed, no-whipped-cream-mustache-giving, and customizable (OMG, the pink one is totally awesome) caffeine inhaler. Aaah, the smell of kicking coffee beans in the morning!

* Shout out to Energyfiend.com for showing me the light.

A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself. – Joseph Campbell

The Hero’s Journey and Three Act Structure

Now there are a lot of different frameworks for storymaking in Hollywood–but there is none as widespread and accepted as the  Hero’s Journey. It has become an esoteric dialogue between screenwriters,actors and directors which help them organize their thoughts and present them concisely in a two hour time frame. The Hero’s Journey is derived from Campbell’s The Hero with a Thousand Faces, which studied themes in myths, legends, and folktales. Vogler, in his book The Writer’s Journey, applies these themes to modern literature and screenplays. This Three Act Structure, as it is referred to by screenwriters, is a liberal schema that can be applied to almost all movies.

Act One:

The Ordinary World

Here we are presented the world of the characters, the universe, and the problems it faces. We also meet the hero and we see his place in this world.

The Call to Adventure

Something weird happens to the hero that kind of pushes him towards change.

Refusal of the Call

The hero responds to this call by rejecting–either outright because he is afraid, or because of external pressures which create uncertainty and doubt in the character.

Mentor

The hero meets with someone who is wiser, someone who knows things that the character does not. He gives the hero training, equipment, and advice. This can also be an inward journey, one where the hero calls his past experiences in order to fortify himself for the danger ahead.

Crossing the Threshold

The Hero finally decides to embark on the adventure, leaving the old comfortable world behind and entering a new strange world that is strange yet exciting.

Act Two:

Test, Allies, Enemies

The hero creates allegiances, he is faced with some minor tests, and enemies of the hero are revealed.

Approach the Cave

The hero and his allies are faced with some major challenge.

The Ordeal

The hero enters the cave and confronts some form of death or fear, which can be confronting a villain or having some sort of horrible event happen. This is the lowest point for the character, but after he gets past the initial shock, the hero is reborn with a new sense of being, a new found hope.

Act Three:

Reward

The hero takes the prize for fighting with death. There may be a small celebration but there is a shadow lurking over the festivities…something that is coming to take the prize back.

The Road Back

This is where the hero is tasked with bringing the reward back to the ordinary world…either physically by destroying an obstacle which prevents him from reaching this goal, or internally by applying his new found powers and confronting that nagging problem that keeps him from the world being normal.This is usually a chase scene or something that shows the danger that is present.

Resurrection

This is the final test, the climax of the story. The hero has once last test before he can finally go back home. There is a moment where the hero must sacrifice something, look inside himself, and become pure. There is some form of death (the loss of an old habit, ideal, crutch) which strengthens the hero even more than the Ordeal. Usually this is accomplished by using the training he has learned from the mentor, and the using what he gained in the Ordeal.He is now a complete individual, which allows him to defeat the villain.

Return with the Elixir

The hero returns back home with a new found power that gives him the strength to change the world and live as he was meant to live.

If the pacing of the three act structure seems strangely familiar, see the next image.

The Three Act Structure follows the Golden Ratio, a pattern that is seen in numerous works of art, photography, music, etc. Still don’t believe me?

Here is Star Wars: Episode IV framed in the Hero’s Journey (Lucas intentionally wrote Star Wars using the Hero’s Journey (He even had correspondence with Campbell).

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

The Ordinary World

Scrolling text. We see Darth Vader and Leia conversing. There is some overarching universal conflict going on. We see Luke’s relation to this–jack shit. He’s just a farmboy but he wants something more…he craves excitement.

Call to Adventure

He finds C3P0 and R2D2. He sees Leia’s holotape, which calls for help.

Refusal of the Call

Luke essentially says…fuck that shit. His uncle says,” yeh fuck that shit, do your chores”. And so he does, until R2D2 leaves…

Mentor

Luke looks for R2D2 and gets saved by Obi-Wan, the mentor. He is given equipment (a lightsaber), and advice: “Come with me and save Leia, you fucking pussy”.

Crossing the Threshold

Bam, Luke’s uncle and aunt are BBQ, so he basically has no choice now. He decides to leave. We go to Mos Eisley which is the start of this new, crazy universe.

ENTER SPECIAL WORLD

Allies, Tests, Enemies

We meet Han Solo, Chewbacca(allies). We see a few tests: “these are not the droids you’re looking for”, Greedo, learning how to lightsaber stuff blindfolded. Darth Vader shows how much of a dick he is by blowing up Alderaan…yeh he is an enemy. Fo sho dawg, call the ambulamps.

Approaching the Cave

Damn thats not a moon! Death Star Tractor Beam. Shit, that thing can blow up planets?

The Ordeal

Luke saves Leia with the help of Han Solo and Chewie, Luke’s releases his load on some stormtroopers, then they get stuck in a trash compactor but manage to get out. Obi Wan turns off the tractor beam, but ends up facing Vader who is waiting for me. The slowest lightsaber fight I’ve ever seen ensues(what do you expect? paraplegic vs. elderly man) “Strike me down and I shall becom– Zzzzttt, saber’d. NOOOO, cries sissy Luke, but he gets over it when he hears voices in his head.

Reward

They leave with the reward: Death star plans.It surprises me that they would build an airshaft where if you bomb it the whole place explodes: pretty gaping engineer flaw if you ask me.There is a small celebration, but Han Solo is like, where’s my money bitch and leaves. It’s a trap! Vader put a homing beacon on the ship (nice job checking the ship guys)and they find out the Death Star is coming to fuck shit up. They need to destroy it. Luke is given a choice to fight, and he says, hell yeah, I’m badass now.

The Road Back

Time to fight the Death Star! They assault the Death Star, lots of failed heroes, but Luke manages to get through and begins navigating the random valley of turret guns. He is chased by Vader and some tie fighters. “The force is strong with this one!”. Damn Luke’s gonna die…but…BAM ALLIES COME BACK TO HELP! (<-This is a common theme in the Hero’s Journey)The Falcon shoots Vader and somehow he  swerves off course rather than blowing up. Anyway its all up to Luke now.

Resurrection

Luke only has one shot at this, his squad is dying left and right. He puts on his little targeting reticule eyepiece thing. Obi-Wan reminds him: Use the Force, Luke. Luke hesitates but sacrifices his dependence on technology and accepts this new power: the Force. Bam, shoots the photon torpedos and  blows up the Death Star. LUCAS: Cue CG NOW!

Return with the Elixir

Big grandiose ceremony. Luke is now a hero, he now has things that he did not have before: the force. More importantly, Luke gains courage and confidence.

So there you have it, the hero’s journey. But who knows what the fuck George Lucas is gonna add to “fix” his story–this might not fit in a few years. >.>

There is a lot more to this three act structure: but that’s it for now. Happy viewing! ~S. Vox

Me: Do you wanna know where the word assassin came from?

Rational Investor: Some guy got banged in the ass??

Me: Do you wanna know where the word came from? Yes or no?

Rational Investor: I guessed it.

Me: No.It’s from the Arabic hashshashin, ‘ hashish-takers,’  who were members of a fanatical Muslim sect whose creed sanctioned their adversaries’ murders. Allegedly, the assassins drugged themselves in preparation for the murders.

Rational Investor: That’s cool.

Moments later… I grab my notebook and start writing.

Rational Investor: Are you writing about assassins?

Me: Yes.

Rational Investor: Put it on Streetverse.