The Good Parts

Colin Firth taking the Oscar for Best Actor. The man is amazing. He has this understated charm that comes off as natural instead of overbearing (looking at hugh) and he is just a humble guy. King’s Speech may have been his best work yet, creating pity and sadness for one of the most entitled human’s to walk the earth. To top it all off, he was the only celebrity I saw last night who was wearing proper black tie attire, perfectly tailored and worn with British elegance. I understand its Hollywood, and everyone wants to shake the cage, but on a night when everyone else is wearing black suits (not tuxes) and black shirts/black tie, dressing properly is the way to get yourself noticed.

Randy Newman’s speech. The man is a living legend when it comes to not only soundtracks (TWENTY nominations) but to subversive yet cheery sounding music. Ever hear that song he did about a slave trader luring Africans to America? Or that one about short people? He has that charisma that I expect of all the celebrities in that building, but he was one of the few speakers that lived up to my standards.

A good “theme”. The past winners of awards such as Gone with the Wind, Titanic, Shrek, etc. were shown in that magnificent screen behind the stage. This was gorgeous.

An OVERALL less cheesy broadcast. It still had cheese a plenty, but compared to recent years, it seems they have heard the groans and tweaked the broadcast a little. THANK GOD they didn’t have that circle jerk they had last year (re: multiple old award winners coming out and talking about the nominees). The “inbetween” presentations, such as the memorandum and the song performances, were short and sweet, moving the show along at a quicker pace.

The Bad

Roger Deakins getting shafted on True Grit for Cinematography. The man has a lifetime achievement award for the ASC, and he has some of the most beautiful cinematography I have ever seen in a film. The problem with this Oscar is that is normally given to the most eye catching movie (Inception in this case), in which cinematography is only one piece of a enormous puzzle. If you took cinematography and separated it from all the CG, set design, and visual effects, you are left with a craft that requires nuance and invisibility. Deakins is a master of this, but alas, his strength is also his weakness when it comes to being noticed.

David Fincher missing out on Best Director. Though I loved The King’s Speech, I really though Fincher would take it this year. The man made Seven, Fight Club, Benjamin Button, AND the Social Network—all game changers in their own small ways. I know that momentum had shifted to The King’s Speech and it had to be given the trifecta (Best Director, Best Picture, Best Actor), but I think it could, and should, have been a split this year. Tom Hooper, you’re great, but Fincher needs some loving.

Alice in Wonderland winning anything. I know I’m biased here, but the movie was one of the most god awful movies I have ever seen ever in my life. There was no sense of coherence, which to me, is one of the goals of Art Direction, Costumes, etc.

The Awkard

James Franco being stoned out of his mind. My god, the pre show interview was equal parts hilarious and sad. A recap:

Reporter: So James Franco, blah blah host blah blah Academy Awards?

James Franco: Huh? Oh…hehe…cool.

Reporter: Um…okay…blah blah…nervous?

James Franco: No. Not at all. Imsohigh

Reporter: Right. Back to you, Mike!

Anne Hathaway on a Red Bull/ Cocaine overdose. Very pretty though. The hosts in general were not very entertaining. The opening sketch was decent, I suppose.

I THINK it was the winner of Makeup (need to check the broadcast again) who mumbled: “You better teach your lapdog some respect” when the music started rolling due to his particularly long winded thank you speech. Seriously guys, keep it short. You do makeup. Five names, tops. When you start talking about the PA’s…maybe stretching there. You are blathering on for five minutes, have some understanding when they pull you off the stage. This kind of angered outburst is just too much awkwardness to handle.

Kirk Douglas. I know I know. Living legend. But have you seen True Grit? You know the guy Jeff Bridges played that no one could understand? Yeah, it was kind of like that.

Susanne Bier sweating really really profusely. The winner of Best Foreign Language film showed that they really don’t know what anti-perspirant is in Europe.

The little kids singing at the end. I sound like the Grinch, but this was too much cheese. At this point I was hungry, and I just turned the TV off. Unnecessary.

Hope you had fun! Til next year.

-SV

The number 1 is the Bruce Wayne of the mathematical world. It’s the first number we learn as a child, it’s the first birthday we have. You place first when you win. It parades itself around in the daylight as the big numero uno, the big shot of numeropolis. It drives around in the best bentley, driven by less popular numbers, perhaps number 6 or 8 (not 7, as he is in prison for eating 9). But at night, watch out criminals. 1 dons the cape of 0.999…(repeating decimal) they are one and the same. Don’t believe me? Check it:

x= 0.999…

10x=9.999…

10x-x=9.999…-0.999…

9x=9

x=1

Oh shit, it’s like I whacked Clark Kent’s glasses off in front of Lois Lane. Don’t worry number 1, we’ll keep your secret. Just hook it up with “69”, I hear she does crazy things in bed.

-SV

Why is this? I asked Google “Why do I like bangus now?” and after filtering through all the porn links this is what the mf told me: your taste buds change as you get older. Ok that’s nothing ground breaking. Is it as simple as that? Searching further, the mf basically said “when you’re a lil dun you got taste buds all over your mouth including the roof and your lungs. Then as you age it gets limited to the tongue and lungs.” Ok lungs, didn’t know that but thanks. Still though, that answers the “what” but what about the why?

Yup that's the face

Since that lazy mf Google is always horrible at answering the why questions, I’ll just pull an answer out my ass. My guess is kids are accustomed to just eating sweet tiddy milk, and tastes that fall outside of that taste of milk (e.g. bitter, spicy, very salty, etc) will get the funny lookin sad kid face.  I also postulate that bitter/spicy flavor is more likely to kill you and since you’re a dumb lil mf that can’t tell the difference between cottage cheese and spoiled milk, that bitter flavor is something you’re going to spit out otherwise you’ll either die or become infertile. Again this is all theory and if someone knows the answer then please feel free to post in comments.

Going back to the eats, what’s really interesting to me is that I’m all into bitter and fermented shit now. In fact, the bitter the better for me. I like dark stout beer, grapefruit juice, and double shots of espresso. Since my brain is mad nice at discerning that which can kill me from that which makes my stomach happier, I can swallow bacalao while drinking pure unfiltrated crab juice with ease. A lil mf like justin bieber couldn’t do this.

Also while doing research on taste buds I came across the tongue map (that diagram that displayed the tongue with the regions picked out for various tastes (e.g. sweet in front, bitter in the back)). Guess what kids those pseudo-biology teachers wasted your Tuesday nap session with that lesson. That map is complete bullshit. Your taste buds are distributed all over your tongue (doy thats why you can taste flavor everywhere). Some buds may have a preference towards one taste, but no spot on your tongue is dedicated.

ALSO! There are now FIVE qualities associated with your taste buds as the first four are now considered played out by the taste bud community. You got the old ones: salty, sour, bitter, sweet, and the brand new MSG flavor one. Thanks to Ramen noodles, scientists were able to discover this MSG one. This is real talk. The japanese found this one and dubbed it “umami.” Scientists say this one helps you determine if something has a good source of protein.

So fuck that tongue map let’s get real and creative. Since tastes change over time let’s put a map of the foods we enjoy over time instead of a layout of our taste buds. In honor of my new found love of bitter fermented flavors and my new found home in the northwest, I’m putting together what I call my Tastebud Totem. At the very bottom you’ll see the eatsI loved as kid up to the ish that I love eating in my quarter life crisis. Keep following it up and you’ll see what I’ll be eating when I hit mid life crisis and all the way up to you see what I’ll eat on my death bed.

What’s your tastebud totem look like and what level are you currently on?

Age	Eats	Sips
Dead Mf
Old Nagz
Midlife Crisis
Sophisticated Nagz
Quarterlife Crisis
Know it All
Teen Spirit
Young Blaid
Lil Dun

Buzzing Alarm Clock

Ring! Ring! Yawn, look at the clock! Oh no! I’m late for class…work…ninja training. It usually follows with brushing teeth, eating breakfast, walking to class.

I guess the thought process goes something like “what better way to start a story than at the beginning of a day?”. I do understand the necessity of showing the “ordinary world”, but this opening has really been done to death.

Alternative

What about showing the “ordinary world” by showing something with a little bit more action. Maybe the wannabee chef is chopping onions, maybe the hitman is cleaning his guns, maybe the student is getting drunk at a frat party…keep the viewer interested. Starting with a guy sleeping is going to send some subliminal messages that won’t help your cause.

Endless Walking

Walking down some random road for 3 minutes, or 5 minutes, or 10 minutes. BORING.

How can you think that anyone would ever want to watch this? Remember what Hitchcock said, “fiction is life with all the boring parts removed.” Create conflict, always.

Alternative

Have something happen. Maybe a bum asks him for change, maybe a stripper werewolf attacks him from the bushes, I don’t know. Just make SOMETHING happen.

Domestic Violence

Boyfriend: You mean there’s another man? Well here is another fist for you! Girlfriend: AHH! Please not again!

There is such thing as too much conflict. Domestic Violence, for whatever reason, is a very popular choice for creating something “gritty”, “dark”, or “artsy”. But it ends up being comedic, or just…very wrong. I think a major part of the success of such subjects on the big screen is having good actors and a very carefully written script. Keep it Simple Stupid.

Alternative

Try something more down to earth. Even the most mundane things can be interesting if seen from a unique angle. Writing and acting things that are more familiar to you create much more natural (and watchable) subjects.

Suicide

Narrator: But I was just getting started. A chair falls over and feet are hanging in the air.

Maybe it’s the growing popularity of Justin Bieber, or maybe its something in the water or atmosphere, but students are obsessed with this cliché. Something about taking one’s own life screams “ultimate conflict”, but like domestic violence it is very very rarely done right. It is either painfully pretentious and melodramatic, or it is almost comically bad. Actually, thinking about it, a comedic suicide story doesn’t seem that bad.

Alternative

Anything can create conflict. Losing a sock, a terminal case of chronic masturbation, a raging madman armed with a sack of oranges—the possibilities are endless. Try to choose something that doesn’t scream “I’m an emo teenager who found a video camera.”

Endless Dialogue

Guy One: Oh yeah, so the dog died…mumble mumble…but Petunia…she’s the best…mumble…that time we had those bottles up our…mumble…What do you think? Guy Two: Well, I guess it would start in my mother’s placenta…mumble…the Arabic conundrum…mumble…but then the girl opened her…mumble…pickles over her face.

My god, some students must think they are the next Shakespeare. Talking in films is overrated. Dialogue, for many novices, is a crutch. It allows them to “tell” a lot of story without “showing” it, which is one of the biggest no-no’s in any narrative art form.

Alternative

Show don’t tell. Someone crying is going to show much more story than a sad guy telling his friend how depressed he is. Use dialogue sparsely and only when necessary—see if you can show what you need to show without words first. If you turn the sound off and you can still follow the story…you got a keeper.

Hope these come in handy for your next student project.

-SV

I believe it was Robert Heinlein (great science fiction writer if you’re interested) who said “An armed society is a polite one. Manners are good when you may have to back up your acts with your life.” He knew what was up. Honestly, just as you can’t blame a keyboard for misspelling, you can’t blame a gun for doing bad things; it’s the person behind it. How do you expect someone to follow gun control laws, when people ignore laws on murder, rape, and theft? But that’s not what I’m here to talk about. We all know guns are weapons, but what other draws (pun intended) does gun ownership possess?

As a Hobby

I’m in the process of getting a Browning Buckmark .22 pistol(above) for the purposes of target practice (known as plinking). My goal is to be able to hit a moving target with 90 percent accuracy within 45 feet. I’m still not sure if it’s me trying to be the Punisher or Clive Owen from Shoot Em Up, but there is something satisfying about shooting holes into a paper target. It takes a lot of muscle memory, breath control and steady hands in order to be consistently accurate. Working towards goals like the one I have established make you feel accomplished as you see your shot spread diminishing, and it’s a little comforting that if there is ever some sort of zombie outbreak, you will at least have a head up on everyone else (or maybe, have their heads up in your scope? Haha! No? Too soon perhaps). I’d suggest going with a .22 at first because ammo is cheaper(500 shots for maybe 15 bucks as opposed to 50 shots for 20 on a 9mm). Just ignore the fact that you’ll look like a little girl with one.

As a Fashion Accessory

Now I know it’s not legal to carry around concealed firearms in Los Angeles, but as I like to say, it’s only illegal if you get caught. What stylish man wouldn’t walk around without his trusty sidearm? Remember the days when people carried their swords around their belt? That’s why men’s suit jackets button left to right, so that the sword wouldn’t snag as a gentleman pulled his sword out for a duel. People were just didn’t give a shit back then. Anyway, a gun in its holster makes a great fashion statement. Julius, one of the masters of Japanese leather, even has a gun holster accessory that, for whatever reason, people wear without a gun. Don’t be a pussy. Stick a glock 22 in there, and dare someone to make fun of your skinny jeans. DARE THEM. But really, nothing puts together a nice three piece suit than a “piece”.

As a Collectible

Guns have been around for more than a hundred years. In that time, they have gone through many aesthetic, ergonomic, and engineering phases. But one thing has not changed: their purpose. Killing shit. There is a rich history to be explored when looking at older “collectible guns”. There was a time when guns were filigreed and polished, they were weapons for a more “elegant age”. I guess those dukes and counts wanted to look good as they put a bullet into someone’s chest for stealing the last cheese sandwich. Even in more recent iterations, some pistols are made with that “special something”. Why not shoot something in style and pick up something like a polished Colt 1911:

As a Courage Builder

Are you a weakling who gets pushed around? Want to feel big and strong? Do you have a small penis, and rage at the world for not blessing you with an average wang? Guns can help.

Just firing a gun can make you braver. Holding that cold steel in your hands is like holding a gigantic robot penis, it becomes an extension of your own, flimsy appendage, except it is strong and fierce. As you squeeze the trigger, the first initial bang causes that duck and cover reaction, especially if you’re firing something bigger than 9mm. The kickback causes you to flinch, your body still in awe of the power you hold in your hand. The paper target becomes that sloping foreheaded bully who forced you to kiss the pavement as he shook your flabby belly, taunting you with his mongoloid sausage fingers, prodding you, spitting on you. The bullet flies through and you see a smoking hole in the target’s abdominal region. “Spit on that, Gerry,” you say to yourself as you blow the smoke from your gun. Suddenly, you feel like a man.

Just remember kids, if and when you do get a gun, follow safety protocol. Never leave a gun loaded, and always keep it under lock and key. Don’t ruin it for the rest of us.

Happy shooting!

-SV

The iPad, for all its deficiencies (which are plenty), is a device that has caused all the major companies to follow in suit with their own tablet devices. But Apple has something that makes theirs different: complete fascist control over their closed system. Everything that runs on an iPad must be approved and stamped with Steve Jobs’ apple shaped seal. But in these times of growing technological complexities, the masses appreciate simplicity. It just works. After all, centagenarians, cats, and corgis naturally know how to use the device without reading the instructions. While critics can list page after page of missing features, the large number of iPad sales reflect how little the public truly cares. As long as it “just works”. But is it because Apple fans are simply sheep buying the newest toy, or is it something more? We must dig deeper. The words of Marcus Aurelius ring true: “Look within. Let neither the peculiar quality of anything nor its value escape thee.” Apple at its core seeks to simplify the user experience. It wants to take the headache out of computing. It wants to ensure that we are able to accomplish the essentials with speed, efficiency, and style.

But I hate Apple. I hate them so much. This whole Adobe/Apple war is getting out of hand. Apple is blocking Flash, and even Flash apps, citing that they are a drain on resources. While their arguments have some merit, their handling of the situation is becoming pretty infantile. Steve Jobs’ ego seems to grow daily, and it may only be a matter of time before efficiency gives way to heavy handed, corporate fascism. We can see this in both the restructuring of iPhone developer requirements and from its increasingly strict censorship of what Apple deems “inappropriate” apps (yet allows Safari to browse objectionable material anyway). Do you really want Apple to tell you what you can and cannot do with your device.

The growing number of Apple hipsters is getting a bit annoying. I don’t really care if you buy shiny toys, but don’t act like you are better than me because of it. Remember when people used to call their phone a cellphone? Now it’s an “iPhone”. Have you seen my iPhone? My friends always try to show off their latest app, their newest game, but never seem to be able to hold a conversation on the phone longer than 3 minutes because of dropped calls. Surprising how this smartphone can’t even make calls properly.

And don’t get me started on their god awful pricing. At times, they can charge upwards of 80 percent premium for similarly specced PC products. People tout the lowest capacity iPad as 499, but with 3G (to me, a necessity) it goes for 630, plus 30 dollars a month in fees. Not such a good deal, anymore (But hey, when you anchor 999 to an audience, 630 sounds like a steal). I’ll go over pricing in the future, and how Apple milks your purchase month after month (with a smile on your face).

Their products are becoming less and less innovative (the iPad? A big ipod, really?), which is predictable given their current position in the market. They are the top dog, eating up market share faster than a fat guy at Hometown Buffet. Why fix something that is obviously not broke. And out in the boonies, Microsoft has become the new underdog, trying to redefine the game through advancement in user interface and user experience. With it’s new Windows 7 Phone Series, and its rumored Courier tablet, Microsoft is becoming what Apple used to be—a visionary company that seeks to improve rather than to rehash. The tables have turned, and honestly, I have Apple to thank for it.

Competition is good. Even though I hate Apple, and will probably never buy any of their products (though I may consider it if the iPad gets a pressure sensitive pen stylus for drawing in the future), I have to thank them for waking up its competitors and beginning a new surge of technology that will shape our day to day lives. Either that or blow us all to hell.

Stop giving him money for doing nothing!

Well sports and politics, and government work.  But anywhere else, failure is punished not rewarded. Yet in NY basketball fans are embracing hope unrealistically.  Buying tickets this year for a team that is continuing the same level of slop that we have come to expect over the past 10 years.  Buying tickets for next year when almost every writer is saying the chances of his coming to NYC as more than a visitor are slipping to 0%.  Google it Lebron James Knicks the top articles will be depressing and the reason for hope will be non-existent.  I stopped watching regular season basketball about 3 years ago simply because I didn’t like the players, front office, and the direction that my favorite team was taking.  Once free agency finishes the way things look I think I won’t have a reason to watch the new season unless the knicks can pull off a trade.  Cause the Lebron answer isn’t going to be it.

Hope this isn’t a strategy…and I see next to no change with this organization….

1- Has the business been around more than 10 years?
2- Over the last 10 years has it consistently grown?
3- Over the next 10 years will its strategy and prospects continue to grow the business at the previous 10 years rates?
4- Would I trust the management with my life savings if it meant they would continue their growth rates over the next 10 years?
5- Is the market offering the company at a discount?

I don’t invest in the company unless I’m 90% confident in answering yes to all 5 of those questions. 60% of that confidence comes from looking at their financial sheets (6 minutes). 10% of that confidence comes from thinking about the world economy and its effects on the market they compete in (3 minutes). 30% comes from what I already know about them (i.e. their ads, products, target market, etc.)(1 minute).

This is a very conservative strategy, but it has resulted in an avg return of 10% yearly for me, including dividends, over the last 4 years. Mind you, this is during the Great Recession.

Imagine that you’re Jack looking to trade your aging cow for some food at the market. Three traders approach you. One offers you several wilted plants that are barely sprouting any beans. Even though the beans aren’t in the best shape, you think you’ll be able to fix them so that they grow more beans, hopefully somewhere within the average. In this scenario, buying several bad looking plants is better than buying just one good looking plant. The second offers you a boring looking plant with enough beans to get by with in the future without your cow. The third shows you some magic beans that he claims will grow into giant beanstalks that will offer you more beans than you can possibly imagine.

In terms of what you’re looking for, your best bet is #2. You’ll be fed longer with the stable plant than what your aging cow will last around for. With a bean plant, it is a lot easier to tell which is your best option. You can inspect the details simply with your eyes and everyone’s eyes work about the same if you aren’t blind. When it comes to inspecting the plants that are companies, it’s a bit more complicated. You look for clues in the financial data and try to draw the picture of what that plant looks like now and in the future.

Value

How do you evaluate the price you’re paying for the bean plant with regards to how much it will be able to feed you in the future? Market Cap tells me how much the trader thinks the plant is worth overall. P/E (Price/Earnings) is the trader telling me how many dollars other customers are willing to pay per bean the plant can eventually produce. For the shitty bean plants, this number is usually low because no one likes the current output of beans from these plants and expects the amount of beans they produce to continue to be low or even lower. For the average bean plant an average price of $12-$20 for each future bean. For magic beans, an extraordinary $40+/expected bean is paid out because other buyers are expecting high output from the magic beans in the future. The PEG tells me more about the correlation of the price per expected bean and the expected growth rate expected bean production. I don’t want to get into the boring details, but if this number is one, then the plant is priced correctly. If it’s lower than one, then there may be some value in it. If it’s higher than one, then the buyers may be over paying for it. Again, these are all inspection clues. Finally, and this is a gross oversimplification, the intrinsic value tells me the margin of safety for purchasing this plant/beans now vs sticking around with my cow. The higher this number, the bigger my margin of safety. I typically want this to be 25%+.

Interesting how all logos have the color red with either white and/or yellow

My job is to find a plant that meets the criteria of the average plant and buy it for the price of the shitty one. Starting with P/E, other bean plant buyers are willing to pay $13 for ea. bean Carl’s plant produces and $11 for ea. bean Jack In the Box produces. The expected rate of Jack’s plant’s output is higher than Carl’s which means the PEG will be much lower. Since its cheaper to get a bean out of Jack’s plant and is highly likely to produce faster output in the future compared to Carl’s, this pushes the plant’s PEG to a value of .7. So I get more beans at a better production rate (PE/G) for a better price (lower P/E). Moreover I can give myself a safety net by calculating the discounted cash flows of Carl’s vs. Jack. I have a higher margin of safety if I’m betting Jack over Carl’s.

Better value: Like their menu, you can buy Jack for less than Carl’s.

Profitability & Growth

McDonald's Da Illest Financials

The troubles and costs associated with maintaining the plant should be much less than benefits of getting fed by it. Simply put, costs for generating a bean should be a small fraction of the bean production. This is profit. In the plant world of fast food joints, profit margins are usually razor thin. In the plant world, debt is weeds that attempts to kill your plant. The more debt on a plant, the more likelihood it can die. EPS = Bean production per seed. Rev growth = Total Bean production growth rate.

The McDonald’s plant should be the plant that your plant aspires to be. Carl’s plant has a lot of weeds in comparison to the other plants ( high debt to equity), requires a lot of maintenance (low profit margin) and has a production rate that is all over the place (negative and flat). Jack requires a lot of maintenance, has an average number of weeds, but has a pretty consistent rate of production.

More profitable and more predictable: Jack’s plant is slightly better. It’s easier to predict the bean production rate, it doesnt require as much maintenance as Carl’s plant, and its production rate is more predictable.

Management

Let’s put a microscope on the plant and take a look at it’s eukaryote cell structure. How well are those mfs synhesizing food for the plant? Ok fine I’ll stop the plant analogy since it’s starting to confuse me now.

Click to view a better resolution

Jack’s return on equity is phenomenal compared to Carl’s. The same can be said for its ROIC. Jack doesn’t pay a dividend, which is an ok thing to me as long as it’s keeping that ROE high. Carl’s dividend is laughable and they shouldn’t even be paying one when they can’t turn a profit. Both companies reduced their shares outstanding. This brings more value since it reduces supply. The CGQ is a pct of how well the management has their checks and balances set up. Insider ownership is far greater in Carl’s which means the management are also shareholders.

Winner: Jack’s has a management that has proven to handle shareholder’s investment money better and has better governance set up.

Conclusion

Wendy’s should not buy Carl’s beca…Hey guess what everybody! This entire analysis is out of date! The investors of Aramark foods bought Carl’s instead! Hope you enjoyed my mediocre plant analogy and straightforward analysis though.

Here we go:

1. These days, everything causes the cancer. Staring at Tom Selleck for too long can cause the cancer.  But fear not caffeinators, our lab-coated brethren have found that caffeinated-beverage drinkers are at a lesser risk of catching the cancer known as Glioma (it’s the kind that doodoos on your brain) than non-caffeine drinkers (aka boring people.) In the study conducted by some guy named Giovannucci and his friends, consumption of five or more cups of coffee or tea daily was associated with a decrease risk of Glioma. So, it’s kind of like a cure, right?

2. Having the choice of drinking coffee or energy drinks for your caffeine intake is like having a liquid mullet hairstyle. You can party like a rock star with a Rockstar or take it black for the grown-man/woman act.

3. When your heart starts jumping like a jitterbugging swinger after sipping on your morning sizzurp, that’s only because you’re realizing how much of a fool you are for paying $5 for a cup of joe at StarFu&ks. You’re not having heart murmurs… OR maybe you are, I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. But research does show that individuals drinking four or more cups of coffee a day have 18% less risk of hospitalization due to heart rhythm disturbances. [disclaimer: while it is unlikely that moderate caffeine intake increases arrhythmia risks, people around you don't really appreciate the reek of your 5 cups of coffee breath. I'm just sayin']

4. Guys, listen up! High caffeine consumption through coffee and/or tea does not affect sperm count. High soda/cola consumption, on the other hand, does. Read it here if you feel like throwing your Dr. Pepper at the monitor.

5. Soon we can all whiff it and whiff it good my friends! No more annoying barristas with their cool sleeve tattoos and emo hair to contend with in order to pass through the gates of caffeine heaven. Thanks to Harvard professor David Edwards, we can now add to our fake cigarette collection a non-spilling, pocket-warmed, no-whipped-cream-mustache-giving, and customizable (OMG, the pink one is totally awesome) caffeine inhaler. Aaah, the smell of kicking coffee beans in the morning!

* Shout out to Energyfiend.com for showing me the light.

Honesty: NOT the Washington way!

Everyone already knows that there will be at least 1000+ articles / opinion pieces about the Health Care bill, as many as the pages in the bill.  By now everyone has heard Rush Limbaugh, conservative talk show host and future feature of Street Verse’s own Kick Rocks Series (promo!) say that he will move to Costa Rica….(or not) upon the passing of this bill.  Rather than sit here and claim I’ve read the text book err bill or act like I understand it, aside from a few points, I’m just going to look at the process to some degree that Democrat Mos, Republican Luc…errr President Obama went through to get the bill passed, which I think speaks to the issue of American politics as a whole.

During his campaign, President Obama ran on a platform of change, a platform of hope, and a platform of not doing this the ol’ Washington way.

He also made healthcare reform one of his key pillars.  I can honestly say that before healthcare reform was a trending topic on twitter (#hcr) or before it was a bill that caused reactions more extreme than those exhibited to the prospect of going to war (to make “them” pay!), The healthcare bill was pretty good when it first started. It addressed multiple problems.

But in typical Washington fashion, (something President Obama said he wouldn’t do) the bill was altered, changed and bloated. It grew to a couple of thousand pages because of side deal after side deal–payments to LA just because, to CT for hospitals among others–as a means to getting the bill across. In typical American political fashion, something good and valid gets mutated to satisfy everyones ‘personal interests’ — a process of mini power plays to prove that every senator has some measure of authority.  This pissing contest typically hurts the spirit of the bill and the people most impacted by it. Yet, politicians have ways of spinning it so that the voters only hear the relevant parts and allow the pol’s to get re-elected.  This is the way it has always been and it seems like there is no end in sight for this practice. We have been down this road before…and the last time we saw ‘Mission Accomplished’, the real battle was far from done…