My childhood memories eating at Wendy’s live with me, but they are somewhat forgotten. Why? Because their burgers plain suck now. Soggy, flavorless, and the burger patty size of a DVD.  When I bite into these burgers I should be brought back to my childhood.  The same way the food critic in Ratatouille was reacted when he tasted the rat’s ratatouille dish, I should react when biting into a Wendy’s burger today. Instead my reaction is one of guilt and regret. One that says I should have spent my money at Jack in the box.

Since Wendy’s has no idea how to fix itself and continues to sit like a bunch of trapped dolphin being massacred in Tajiti Japan, its going to attempt to buy Carl’s Jr.’s parent company to escape this red ocean.  Coincidentally, the day they announced interest is the same day the lady that said she found a finger in her chili admitted she actually cooked the finger before she dropped it into the chili.  Despite what Wendy’s and many of you might think, Carl’s is actually a poorly managed business.  Their burgers are the best in business, but their fast food, marketing and management are not.  Right now, it seems the only fast food companies managing their changes strategically and that are worth considering any kind of investment are McDonald’s and Jack in the box.

Like Wendy’s, Carl’s is slowly becoming a dead franchise.  Their target demographic is much too focused.  No targets for kids (i.e. a mascot like ronald or even partnerships to bring toys into the restaurant), no targets for women (i.e. parfaits, pita alternatives), no targets for the morning person (i.e. coffee to compete with starbucks like mcdonalds did), no targets for the health conscious (they introduced salads wow, great idea (back in 1990)), no targets for dessert lovers (the most interesting dessert on their menu is the oreo cookie shake). They never offer anything new in terms of products unless they’re in burger or chicken sandwich form.  They introduced the energy drinks and vitamin water, but once again this only targets the young male demographic.

Wendy’s is out of their minds to buy Carl’s Jr. Not only because Wendy’s itself is mismanaged, but because Carl’s is not a good value right now, is not a growth business and does not have a management that has the interests of the shareholders in mind.  Since McDonald’s is in a league of its own let’s compare an investment in Carl’s with an investment in Jack in the box. I think Jack in the box is a much more rational buy for an investor. To prove this point, over the next three posts, I’ll look at both restaurant’s menu selections, their ad campaigns, and their financials.

Well let me get to it…as we all know, a few weeks back Eldrick ‘Tiger’ Woods was outted due to his infidelities.  Note this didn’t impact most of America unless you were Elin, his children, family, business partners and possibly friends.  Everyone else… not at all. Yet for some reason, because Tiger is a role model (more on that in a sec) – he owed the public at large an apology.  BULLSHIT.  For various reasons, the aforementioned parties were certainly owed an apology and an explanation.  Beyond that, he owed everyone else 2 fingers (on the same hand for peace) and that’s about it.  The only thing funnier than the unnecessary staged apology was the pre and post apology outrage and analysis.  I’m pissed because not only was this not necessary, but it also ruined a day of sports radio during a slow sports new cycle.

First, you had the Golf writers of America association who boycotted the event due to an inability to ask questions.  And there was the post game analysis looking at his body language and analyzing his sincerity.  Why does it matter?  This is again an issue of the public putting its faith in public figures simply because they have a unique talent.  And more times than not, the talent isn’t leadership, but something athletic.  Role models should be parents, mentors, community figures, people who actually have a vested interest in your success and can really give you a good example for how to pattern your self.  Beyond that, if we have to place these public figures on a pedestal, model a certain part of yourself after the ‘public portion’ of them.  In Tiger’s case, his determination and focus on the golf course can be applied else where in the lives of others. But he isn’t nor was he ever (before the infidelity came out) a role model. He didn’t ask to be, nor should he have been.

Like I said, Eldrick owed me nothing and everyone who thinks he does, should really look in the mirror….

The one bright side is waiting to see how he gets roasted over the next few days by late night / sketch shows…

Tiger WOOOOOO (skip to 2:55…)

Jimmy Tran In Gangsta Lean

Jimmy Tran, a recovering addict of ahnline dating sites, has become another statistic. Mr. Tran is a 23 year old Vietnamese-American male living in Irvine, CA. Despite major efforts on all this dating site, he can’t manage to get a message from a girl .

“I’ve tried OkCupid. It just isn’t working. My parents are getting tired of paying an extra $50 a month for text messaging on my phone plan when I can’t even use it,” he expressed in frustration. “I sent about 50 personalized emails to these girls. Only one girl responded and she didn’t reply back to my second email that had lyrics to one of the songs I wrote for her. I’ve prayed for the last two nights that I’d see an email back from her. Nothing.”

Tran’s a recent graduate of UC Irvine with a bachelor’s degree in biological engineering. He’s also a lead bassist and backup vocalist for a local boy band named Soul Pho Real. So why can’t he get laid you ask? New research on the site Okcupid.com helps us understand why.

“I know it’s taboo, but the answer to the question is in the race of the chicks he’s trying to score,” says a leading Mathematician at Harvard University who chose to remain anonymous. “I know people think we’re living in a world that’s much different than 50 years ago. Race relations have improved over that time or so we would like to think and proclaim. It’s just not true that things are better now and we have the data to prove it.”

Okcupid is a website that brings math into the equation of ahnline dating. While sites like eharmony and match.com try to play matchmaker through hobbies and interests, okcupid says fuck it and asks users arbitrary questions created by other users. What Okcupid users are unaware of is the site’s ability to then use finely tuned algorithms that use each user’s answers and several social factors to determine compatibility. Welcome to modern day social engineering.

I met with the anonymous mathematician to helps us understand how the algorithm works.  He started spewing out all kinds of mathematical notation on his white board.  I smiled and nodded politely to entertain his flossing.  However, I did ask him to give the common man an example of how the algorithm works.  “As a simple example of a question that could be created by a user and asked to site members: John Mayer’s Playboy Interview was A) 100% True B) Extremely Racist C) Don’t care. The algorithm then weighs in the user’s race and gender along with how they answered. It then brings in several factors. For instance, how many white males answered A and how many black females answered B. It then assigns weights of compatibility based on those answers. The majority of Whites and Asians will answer A. People of color will answer B. Thus, if you’re White and male, and answered A, you will increase your compatibility with a White and Asian female.”

The anonymous mathematician pauses, takes a sip of his latte, and then goes on to explain with his eyes closed, “If you’re White and male and answered B, you will be matched at a higher compatbility with black females. If you’re Asian and female and answered A or B you will increase your compatibility with Whites. If you’re Asian and male and answered A or B you will increase your compatibility with blacks. Decrease compatibility with the global community if C is chosen since it showcases the user’s bias towards independent thought. That’s all the algorithm does.” The mathematician attached the following grid to help us also understand how the algorithm weighs compatibility based on the John Mayer answer. “This shows how males of different races will score against females of different races based on how they answered,” he said.

OkCupid Weighing Algorithm Results for John Mayer Question

After understanding the grid’s results and overview of the algorithm, I came to the conclusion that since the majority of Okcupid’s users are White males, most of the algorithms will be weighted towards their favor. As a result, they’ll get the majority of messages sent to them and majority of responses back. “So you’ve essentially modeled the real world using mathematical formulas,” I postured. “Precisely,” he replied. “That’s fucked up! That’s like Hitler using Spencer and Darwin’s survival of the fittest to deem the Aryan race the master race,” I angrily exclaimed. “Right, but now we have the math to prove it,” the mathematician replied. “Well don’t you think that’s extremely racist?” “No I think it’s whatever the algorithm says will favor my biological makeup that’ll increase my chance of mating based on my race. So I say 100% true.”

The Smug Mathematician Standing In Front of his Latest Racist Algorithms

I reacquainted with Mr. Tran after speaking with the mathematician, and revealed the Mathematician’s algorithm to him.  He was upset but yet became complacent. “If the fact that I can’t get a white girl is backed by mathematical proof, then it’s just part of God’s will, and I don’t like it, but I’ll just have to accept it. I’ll continue to pray to God to help me understand why. Until then I’ll just continue singing at church and doing the whole band thing.” According to the Okcupid’s latest numbers [results can be found here] that sampled a white female’s probability to respond an Asian male on their blog, Mr. Tran has absolutely slim to no chance to scoring a white girl.

“We’re White nerdy mathematicians that haven’t had female genetalia since female genetalia has had us” said the Mathematician jokingly. He admits to having contributed to the theory behind the majority of the site’s algorithms . “It’s important to finely tune and weigh the algorithms in our favor so that we can increase our probability of winning an Asian trophy wife or whatever else we prefer, but usually Asian, once we leave college and enter the workforce.”

After leaving the mathematician to his social engineering algorithms and half White half Asian family photos, I took it upon myself to find other dating sites that favored a majority over the minority group. I came across http://www.christiansingles.com/. Hang in there Jimmy, there’s hope for you. As an atheist and person of color, I on the other hand, am screwed. Oh wait no I’m not, there’s http://www.freethinkermatch.com/. Let’s see what that site’s statistics say. Total Male Members: 10609. Total Female Members: 2946. Great, that’s probably the only statistic where the majority doesn’t favor me. So in conclusion, if you’re an Atheist, ethnic minority, freethinking male, then no ahnline dating algorithm will ever work in your favor.

Author’s Note: FUCK OKCUPID.COM FOR BEING RACIST. I wrote this piece because I read this and this and I got pissed. The fact that they act like their stuff is math-based and that other sites probably have the same results is completely ungrounded.  It’s the fucking internet. OKCUPID.com has about as much credibility as streetverse.com does.

First up in news that’s not really news -

Surprisingly still a headline: Pope… blah blah… sex abuse… blah blah…

Are we still dancing the same Dosey Doe folks? I condemn you all!

Next in the “I saw this coming a mile away” news -

E-mail scams exploiting Haiti earthquake generosity

Mr. Gutsche, you devil, you!  Kanye will have to make another cameo on the next “Heal the World” remix to ask people to donate money for the “stop exploiting Haiti” effort. It will appear on the Heal the World Greatest Hits album.

Then we have the “DUH!!” series -

Men ‘need better-fitting condoms’

So, who were the Einsteins that conducted the research and how many dumbasses participated in it?

And…

We are one public statement away from making another public statement about Iran.

That one was on a more serious note, but worthy of a “DUH!” nonetheless.

And lastly, this story is really a shocking testament to the present state of journalism.

The difference between Canadians and Americans

Time to put the coffee down and verse.

John Mayer interviews with playboy, and makes some statements that before the advent of twitter would have been vetted by his publicist and probably stopped before they came to light. But since everyone likes to be candid.  Everyone wants to keep it real.  Everyone wants to show they are unaffected by perception and they shape their own images – to hell with being PC so the comments stayed.  While I don’t claim to know what is on the mind of John Mayer nor would I defend his asinine ignorance, based on the context of the interview it seemed like he was trying to be funny.

For the record – probably around 80 – 90% of the people I know have made off color jokes…some of them about race.  What i’m saying is its kinda not a big deal.  The difference is that we do it without the glare of the media behind us, and most of us have the common sense to do it around the company who can appreciate it for what it is…a JOKE.  Nothing is usually meant by it, and it’s considered JOKES, not representative of how we really feel about a certain person, race or group of people.  Again…I’m not defending or justifying what he said but his lack of common sense is his real biggest mistake…but whether his comments are indicative of his real feelings or just what he thinks is funny – there is just no way to know & in a few weeks I or anyone else won’t really care…prime example of this is the Mike Greenbergs mistake on MLK day…outrage, twitter uprising.  Weeks, no days later, no one really gives a fuck!

Of course after the fact, he did the obligatory apology, which was bullshit – he knew what he said and I’m sure playboy gave him the chance to review it and if he was really sorry he either wouldn’t have let it run or apologized before the article came out.

Was it racist ? It sounded like it.  Was it dumb?  Most def.  Was it offensive to women, gays, & blacks…? I’d say probably, but in the bigger scheme of things, its not a big f’ing deal.

The other side of social media and instant communication is the over reactions by the public who blew it out of proportion.  Its funny that we can get all worked up over something that is seemingly more scripted than most shows on Fox News.  Here’s the formula: say something stupid via <insert medium> (twitter, late night show interview, magazine article, etc.), check.  Public outrage, making something insignificant … significant, check.  (probably the publicist) Prerequisite apology, check.  The item fades from memory and no one cares, (almost there).  Wash, rinse repeat with a new public figure -You become the butt of a joke in the future and the same people who were your fans / supports will continue to do so and even become apologist, check.  Wake me up when the outrage and response are either appropriate or sustained.  Where was this level of out rage and demanding of something being done when the supreme court overturned a law where companies are now viewed as individuals?  Where was the outrage over the conditions in pre-earthquake Haiti where they have been the poorest country in the western hemisphere for years?  I don’t see the same level of hysteria, trending topics or concern about issues that may actually impact people yet, when there is either a tragedy or a celebrity it is a big f’ing deal?  wake me up when we go after something that really matters otherwise to quote Mr. Mayer himself…we are waiting on the world to change….

I live in Atlanta, and while the city is becoming more diverse, it still is mainly Black (55%) and White(40%).  I saw on the local news and THIS AJC article that the local population of Asians is pissed the eff off at MARTA for them naming a northeast ATL line the YELLOW LINE.  The area where MANY asians (mainly Vietnamese, Koreans, and Chinese) live is in Doraville and Chamblee (lovely nicknamed Chambodia for obvious reasons).  Although it is true that those are two of the areas on the yellow line, it is also massively populated by many Mexicans and Salvadorians.  I work literally 2 miles from the Doraville stop on the Yellow Line and I can tell you I see more Mexicans on a daily basis than any group of Asians.   In a weird type of thought I came to the realization that by them saying the Yellow Line is offensive due to “skin color connotations” , they are basically saying HEY WE OWN THIS PART OF TOWN.

Atlanta is stupid as hell, MARTA is very outdated and they now want to try to use color codes like the DC METRO and to a degree the MTA in NYC.  First of all, MARTA really only takes you to 3 types of places; the hood, the mall, or the airport.  They might as well name the northeast line the SUR 13 line, Asians don’t even use MARTA.  They are too scared of blacks taking their shit.  Atlanta, along with the LA area, are the two most spread out metropolises in the country and the mass transit available in this city is PATHETIC.  They should seriously destroy MARTA and start fresh, most of these stops take you to the middle of nowhere if they aren’t from the three aforementioned categories I described above.  If you don’t have a car in this city you might as well move to NY or London, totally effed.  YELLOW LINE SCHMELLOW LINE, if they started naming north ATL stops WHITE LINES (dope song) and south ATL stops BLACK LINES, then maybe asians could start to complain.  Until then chill out and keep making those Korean and Vietnamese signs all over.

- The Rational Investor

P.S. They all throw snowballs like Jason Campbell: weak and incomplete.