StreetVerse

From Strawberry Quik to Uni aka My Tastebud Totem

Posted By: The Rational Investor
Filed Under: Food, Opinion on February 13, 2011

As I put chopsticks, delicately carrying fresh Uni (sea urchin to those unfamiliar with Sushi), to my tongue, I can’t help but wonder what the eff is going on. When I was ten years old the only smell of something this god awful would be for feeding my pet fish some food flakes in their bowl. Oh that sweet smell of ground up protein all processed into paper light wafers that fall delicately on the water. God that nasty ass smell. Now that I’m two decades da iller, the tables have turned. In essence, I’ve become the goldfish, and they’ve become my delicate flakes. At this age, why is it that I love digesting eats that only my goldfish would enjoy?

Why is this? I asked Google “Why do I like bangus now?” and after filtering through all the porn links this is what the mf told me: your taste buds change as you get older. Ok that’s nothing ground breaking. Is it as simple as that? Searching further, the mf basically said “when you’re a lil dun you got taste buds all over your mouth including the roof and your lungs. Then as you age it gets limited to the tongue and lungs.” Ok lungs, didn’t know that but thanks. Still though, that answers the “what” but what about the why?

Yup that's the face

Since that lazy mf Google is always horrible at answering the why questions, I’ll just pull an answer out my ass. My guess is kids are accustomed to just eating sweet tiddy milk, and tastes that fall outside of that taste of milk (e.g. bitter, spicy, very salty, etc) will get the funny lookin sad kid face.  I also postulate that bitter/spicy flavor is more likely to kill you and since you’re a dumb lil mf that can’t tell the difference between cottage cheese and spoiled milk, that bitter flavor is something you’re going to spit out otherwise you’ll either die or become infertile. Again this is all theory and if someone knows the answer then please feel free to post in comments.

Going back to the eats, what’s really interesting to me is that I’m all into bitter and fermented shit now. In fact, the bitter the better for me. I like dark stout beer, grapefruit juice, and double shots of espresso. Since my brain is mad nice at discerning that which can kill me from that which makes my stomach happier, I can swallow bacalao while drinking pure unfiltrated crab juice with ease. A lil mf like justin bieber couldn’t do this.

Also while doing research on taste buds I came across the tongue map (that diagram that displayed the tongue with the regions picked out for various tastes (e.g. sweet in front, bitter in the back)). Guess what kids those pseudo-biology teachers wasted your Tuesday nap session with that lesson. That map is complete bullshit. Your taste buds are distributed all over your tongue (doy thats why you can taste flavor everywhere). Some buds may have a preference towards one taste, but no spot on your tongue is dedicated.

ALSO! There are now FIVE qualities associated with your taste buds as the first four are now considered played out by the taste bud community. You got the old ones: salty, sour, bitter, sweet, and the brand new MSG flavor one. Thanks to Ramen noodles, scientists were able to discover this MSG one. This is real talk. The japanese found this one and dubbed it “umami.” Scientists say this one helps you determine if something has a good source of protein.

So fuck that tongue map let’s get real and creative. Since tastes change over time let’s put a map of the foods we enjoy over time instead of a layout of our taste buds. In honor of my new found love of bitter fermented flavors and my new found home in the northwest, I’m putting together what I call my Tastebud Totem. At the very bottom you’ll see the eatsI loved as kid up to the ish that I love eating in my quarter life crisis. Keep following it up and you’ll see what I’ll be eating when I hit mid life crisis and all the way up to you see what I’ll eat on my death bed.

What’s your tastebud totem look like and what level are you currently on?

Age	Eats	Sips
Dead Mf
Old Nagz
Midlife Crisis
Sophisticated Nagz
Quarterlife Crisis
Know it All
Teen Spirit
Young Blaid
Lil Dun

About the Author

The Rational Investor whirlwinds through streetverse at a crazy rate. He holds a G.E.D. in Illness.