A story about Epic Failure during a rare snowstorm
Posted By: italian0
Filed Under: Comedy on February 13, 2010
Yesterday afternoon and night, there was a rare snowstorm in ATL. You have to understand that Atlanta gets maybe a couple inches of snow a year TOPS, and when it does, people freak the eff out. They cancel schools and events a day in advance of even the THREAT of snow here. It’s quite comical especially to native Northerners who live here. Anyway, back to my story. We got a good five inches of snow here last night. I was going to stay home but something inside me stupidly said, eff this gotta get outta the house on a Friday night.
Around 10:30 p.m., I ended up going a mile and half down the street to my friend’s apartment. The drive there was fine, just a little slush on the road. I get there and we basically just watch some tv and listen to some vintage old hip-hop (you know before the genre turned to complete shit). I also forgot to mention, I downed about 3 full glasses of a mix of 1/2 Absolut Vodka and 1/2 Cranberry juice. Around 12:30 a.m., I am slightly tired and definitely tipsy so I decide it’s time to go home. I notice the parking lot of the complex is completely iced over and it’s thick. I get in the car and make it towards the exit, one slight problem though: THE EXIT IS ON A HILL AND IT’S A COMPLETE SKATING RINK. I try for 5 minutes to make it up the hill and out the complex, but to no avail. I decide then to just park the car and try again in the morning. Only thing is that I parked it on the other side of the apartment complex about 3 turns from the gate.
I get out of the car and then realize I’m slightly drunk and definitely lost and can’t find my friends apartment. I tried to walk through the woods and take a shortcut but noticed at one point I’d have to jump about 10 feet down to the next part of the complex. HELL NAW (as they say here in A T EL). I start walking back through the parking lot, call my friend to tell him I cant find his place, and in the middle of the call —–SLAM. I bust my ass and fall on my side. I am literally gasping for air as the epic fall crushed the right side of my ribs. My friend is completely laughing hysterically on the phone as he realizes I just busted my ass.
Ten minutes later, I arrive back at his apartment and try to lie down. Little did I know that the fall mixed up the liquor in my system. I started to get the spins. YAK…..I throw up FOUR times in the toilet and am effed up. Eventually, I fall asleep. When I wake up around 9am, I realize I need to get home. Eff this. I hear CAR AFTER CAR screeching tires in failure trying to leave the parking lot skating rink. I think back to myself, SHIT I HOPE I CAN FIND MY CAR. It takes 20 minutes to find the car, but then I realize something else stupid. I PARKED ON THE BOTTOM OF A HILL. They cleared the exit hill of the ice and snow but the hill I parked on was way more icey and way steeper. Another guy and I try for FOURTY FIVE minutes to get our cars up the hill but just spin tires over and over and over. Eventually some people come out to salt the hill but of cois that shit doesn’t work at all. Eventually, I back the car to the very bottom of the hill where the sun had melted a good amount of the ice. I get a good start like I was Doc in Back to the future and BAH DAH finally I make my exit!
What the Hill kinda looked like....
Last night was one of the dumbest nights of my life. I should have just listened to myself and stayed in and played xbox. This post surely will make me sound like I was 19 years old again…Oh Well.
About the Author
born in NJ, GIANTS/KNICKS FAN, 90's East Coast Hiphop expert....overall sarcasm king, critical on culture
